life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
