His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He did a backflip because drugs
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