Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
