Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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