I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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