I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
