Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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