I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
