im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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