i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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