We won't sleep together?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
