i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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