My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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