I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
