I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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