Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
