she was so not down for the gang bang
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
