erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
