i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
