Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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