As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize