I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
