woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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