i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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