period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize