I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
