epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
