i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
