I heard we made out
i think i have two assholes
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
