We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
