I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
