Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
