I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
its liver damage thursday
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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