Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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