note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize