I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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