i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
