i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize