Me too!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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