thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sext me about skeletons
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
