I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
