GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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