my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
