when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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