I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
