my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Holy shit dude........stairs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
