Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
