How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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