week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
