What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
