so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize