That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
