You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
