His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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