dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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