the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
