i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
