I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
