If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
