How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
