Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize