Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
