He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
