we're chasing vodka with high fives
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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