We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
