Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I AM VODKA MAN
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize