your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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