4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
