I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
