yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
