dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
