It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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