Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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