i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
