Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
