the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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