i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
