I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
