I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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