Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
