I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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