I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize