At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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