I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Small penises have feelings too.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize