If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My bed smells like the plague
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
