I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
