Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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