There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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