hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
