I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
