My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
