The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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