I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
