it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize