I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
