Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
