she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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