Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
