That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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