Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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