there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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