Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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