It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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