Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
