Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
