My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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